i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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