wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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