i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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