Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
