Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize