Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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