i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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