Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The uberlube is also flammable
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
