Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
