The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
