chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
