whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
