I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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