I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Are my feet made of real feet?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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