Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
