I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
