i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
