It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
