Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And then my night got REAL pukey
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
