It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
