Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just had sex on a roof
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
