# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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