3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
