Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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