pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
