my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
try to milk me bitch
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
