can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
