i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he fucked my hip out of place.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
