Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
