I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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