fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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