Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
