At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
