That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
