I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
