I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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