6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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