There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I understand Curling. That high.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
