FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she peed on how many people?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
