they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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