You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How naked do you want me to be?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
