At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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