glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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