i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
