Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize