Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
