I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
