just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
