Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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