Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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