Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize