I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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