Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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