The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
