dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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