Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
