He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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