can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
