You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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