you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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