also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
