I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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