Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
